August 17, 2019

XKCD Web Comic #1036: Reviews (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

I’m visiting Newport News, VA next week, where I’ll be speaking
at CNU, my old school. If you want to come, reserve a seat here!

Panel One: Drawing of two stick figures standing in a lamp store.  There are tables on either side of the figures with several different kinds of lamps with price tags hanging off the shades. The figure on the left is taller and is pointing at one of the lamps. The one on the right has shoulder-length, dark hair and is looking at the lamp the first figure is pointing at.

Caption

Shopping Before Online Reviews.

Person 1: This lamp is pretty.

Person 2: And affordable.

Person 1: Let’s get it.

Person 2: OK!

Second Panel: Same as Panel One except Person 2 is holding and looking at a smart phone.

Caption

Shopping Now

Person 1: This lamp is pretty.

Person 2: It got 1 1/2 stars on Amazon. Reviews all say to avoid that brand.

Panel 3: Same as the first two, except now both are looking at smart phones.

Person 1: This one has good reviews.

Person 2: Wait, one guy says when he plugged it in he got a metallic taste in his mouth and his cats went deaf.

Person 1: Eek. – What about-. . .No, review points out it resembles a uterus.

Panel 4:  The two figures are facing each other. Person 1 is holding and looking at a smart phone and Person 2 is holding one but looking at Person 1.

Person 1: OK, I found a Swiss lampmaker with perfect reviews. Her lamps start at 1,300 francs and she’s only reachable by ski lift.

Person 2: You know, our room looks fine in the dark.

Hover text: I plugged in this lamp and my dog went rigid, spoke a sentence of perfect Akkadian, and then was hurled sideways through the picture window. Even worse, it’s one of those lamps where the switch is on the cord.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

 

 

XKCD Web Comic #1035: Cadbury Eggs (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

I’m visiting Newport News, VA next week, where I’ll be speaking
at CNU, my old school. If you want to come, reserve a seat here!

 

 

 

Panel One:

Caption Above

A Cadbury Egg has about 20g of sugar. (25g outside the US.)

Drawing of two Cadbury Eggs. One is still wrapped in foil and the other is unwrapped, the remains of the wrapper crumpled next to it, and is broken open to expose the creamy yellow and white filling.

Caption Below

“One Cadbury Egg” is a nice unit of sugar content.

Panel Two: Caption Above

One 12 oz can of soda has about two Cadbury Eggs worth of sugar.

Drawing of a 12 ounce red and blue can of soda to the left of an equal sign and two Cadbury Eggs to the right. Below is a drawing of a green 20 ounce bottle of soda to the left and three Cadbury Eggs to the right.

Caption Below

One 20 oz bottle has three.

Panel Three: Caption Above

One Cadbury Egg is enough to make me feel kinda gross. Now when I see Coke or Snapple or Nestea or whatever, I imagine drinking a couple of dissolved Cadbury Eggs.

Drawing of a two unwrapped Cadbury Eggs, with the discarded bits of wrapper below. An arrow goes from the eggs to a glass of water or milk.

Panel Four: Two stick figures are talking. The one on the left has shoulder-length dark hair.

Dark-Haired Person: Wow. Huh. So the takeaway is. . . I can eat Cadbury Eggs by the handful all season and feel no worse about it than I do about soda?

Person 2: That’s not really–

Dark-Haired Person: This is Awesome!

Person 2: *sigh*

Hover text: When they moved production from New Zealand to the UK and switched from the runny white centers to the thick, frosting-like filling, it got way harder to cook them scrambled.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1034: Share Buttons (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

New: holistic.xkcd.com, the least useful web navigation tool ever.

 

Top Panel: View of the Share Button section of an article titled “Breaking Into Stand-Up Comedy.” The Facebook button indicated 3 shares, Twitter has 1,781, Reddit has 2 and Google+ has 0.

Second Panel: Similar view of an article titled “How the Christian Right Threatens Wikipedia.” Facebook 1, Twitter 0, Reddit 2,241, Google+ 3.

Third Panel: Similar view of an article titled “Boycott Facebook Today!” Facebook 248k, Twitter 0, Reddit 0, Google+ 74.

Bottom Panel: Similar view of an article titled “DIY: Installing a Custom ROM on a Realdoll.” Facebook 0, Twitter 0, Reddit 0, Google+ 2

Caption: Sometimes the most intersting part of an article is the share button vote breakdown.

Hover text: The only post to acheive perfect balance between the four was a hilarious joke about Mark Zuckerberg getting caught using a pseudonym to sneak past the TSA.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1033: Formal Logic (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

New: holistic.xkcd.com, the least useful web navigation tool ever

 

Scene: Drawing of the back end of a car with a bumper sticker that reads “Honk IFF You Love Formal Logic.”

Hover text: Note that this implies you should NOT honk solely because I stopped for a pedestrian and you’re behind me.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1032: Networking (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

Panel One: Drawing of two stick figures facing each other, hands outstretched to shake. The one on the left has thick, short dark hair, artfully tousled. The one on the right wears a beret and carries an attache case. In the background, a waitperson goes by, a drink tray in one hand and a towel draped over the other.

Person 1: I’m Connr Clark, CTO at Eusocial Media Ventures.

Beret Guy: I’m a business professional! Earlier I photo-copied a burrito!

Panel Two: CTO Clark is handing Beret Guy a business card.

CTO Clark: You should check us out! Here’s my card.

Beret Guy: Here’s mine! Networking!

Panel Three: CTO Clark is peering at Beret Guy’s business card. Beret Guy is holding the attache case up in front of him, gripping the handle with both hands.

CTO Clark: . . .this just says “This is My Business Card!”

Beret Guy: Do you like it? I have more in this handlebox.

Panel Four: Beret Guy has turned, set the attache case on a nearby table, and opened it, showing piles of green money inside. CTO Clark is standing behind him, lines indicating surprise and/or alarm coming out of his head.

CTO Clark: Uh, that’s OK, I think I’ll–

Beret Guy: Here, have ten of them!

CTO Clark: –holy shit that thing is full of cash!

Panel Four: CTO Clark has his hands up in the air, talking to Beret Guy. Beret Guy is stuffing CTO Clark’s business card in his face.

CTO Clark: Where did you get that?

Beret Guy: I am a business grown-up who makes business profits!

CTO Clark: That’s like a quarter of a million dollars!

Beret Guy: Yay! Business is fun!–Do you have more of your cards? They’re delicious!

Hover text: Our company is agile and lean with a focus on the long tail. Ok, our company is actually a polecat I found in my backyard.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1031:S/Keyboard/Leopard (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

A helpful reader has provided an s/keyboard/leopard/ user script.

Scene: View of a computer screen fills the panel. On the screen are two overlapping browser windows, one above and behind the other. The tab on the background window reads “Computer Leopard-Wikip…” and the text showing reads “which range from pocket-sized leopards to large desktop leopards, the leopard remains the most common user input device. In addition to text entry, specialized leopards are used for computer gaming. While many computer interfaces rely on mice or touchscreens, unix-style command-line interfaces require users to interact with a leopard.”

A picture to the right of the text shows a standard desktop keyboard and is labeled “IBM Model M Leopard.”

The visible part of a text box below the above text reads “Contents  1. History 2. Leopard Types 2.1 Standard 2.2 Laptop-sized.” The foreground window obscures the rest.

The foreground window’s tab reads ” Discuss-Leopard Issu…”

The comment boxes of a discussion board are visible on the foreground window.

Box 1:(icon of a stick figure’s face on a light background) Weird, my leopard just switched to Chinese. (3 days ago)

Box 2:(icon of the partial face of a stick figure) I work with one leopard on my desk and another in the leopard tray.(3 days ago)

Box 3: (Icon of a stick person) Ever cleaned a leopard? They’re filthy. (2 days ago)

Box 4: (Icon of a kitty) The iPhone virtual leopard is the fastest IMO. (19 hours ago)

Box 5: (Icon of the face of a stick figure with long blond hair) I rarely email from my phone–I’m so slow when I’m not on a leopard. (11 hours ago)

Box 6: (Icon of a stick figure’s face on a dark background) My leopard died when I spilled tea on it :( (2 hours ago)

Caption: The internet got 100 times better when, thanks to an extension with a typo’d regex, my browser stared replacing the word “keyboard ” with “leopard.”

Hover text: Problem Exists Between Leopard And Chair

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1030: Keyed (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Panel One: Drawing of two stick figures walking along together. The one on the left has a ponytail.

Person 1: I broke up with him yesterday.

Person 2: That weird guy with the beret? – Did he take it OK?

Panel Two: A stick figure wearing a beret is kneeling next to a car with a key painted on the side and holding a paintbrush.

Person 1 (off panel): He seemed upset. He went out to my car–

Person 2 (off panel): Uh oh.

Person 1 (off panel): –and spent the whole night painting a really detailed key on the side.

Person 2: (off panel): . . .wait, what?

Panel Three: The stick figure wearing a beret stands holding a dripping paintbrush.

Person 1 (off panel): Then he woke me up to ask what I thought of it.  He looked really proud.

Panel Four: The two figures from the first panel are standing and talking. The one with a ponytail is now on the right and the other figure has hand to head in bemusement.

Person 2: I . . . is he playing revenge mind games?

Person 1: I genuinely can’t tell if he remembers that we broke up.

Hover text:  I was sure he was just getting revenge, but then he did the same thing to Carrie Underwood. Then he mailed me a scone. I think I’m giving up dating.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1029: Drawing Stars (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

New: holistic.xkcd.com, the least useful web navigation tool ever

 

 

 

 

 

Caption Above Comic

How To Draw a Star

Panel One: Drawing of a line ray starting at the middle and toward the top of the panel and going down and slightly to the left, ending close to the bottom left corner.

Panel Two: Same as Panel One, with the addition of another line ray starting where the first ended and running up and right to the middle of the right side of the panel.

Caption

So Far So Good

Panel Three: Same as Panel Two, with the addition of another line ray starting where the second one stopped and running up to the upper left of the panel, crossing the first line. The three lines now form a triangle with an open angle off the point formed at the top left.

Caption

Steady As She Goes

Panel Four: Same as Panel Three, with the addition of another line ray starting where the third one stopped and running down to the bottom center of the panel, crossing lines one and two. However, the triangle, or star point formed at the top left is significantly larger than the star point formed at the bottom left.

Caption

. . . uh oh.

Panel Five: Same as Panel Four, with the addition of another line ray starting where the fourth one stopped and running roughly parallel to the first line. (Probability of five pointed star is now approximately nil.)

Caption Above

Shitshitshit

Caption Below

Abort! Abort!

Hover text: Screw these 36-degree angles. I’m converting to Judaism.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1028: Communication (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Panel One: Drawing of a stick figure in a white hat. The figure is standing at the edge of a large, deep opening, looking down. A thought bubble above the figure’s head shows an exclamation mark inside a triangle suspended over the opening.

Panel Two: The White Hat Guy is walking back along the way he came and meets a stick figure with very short hair. White Hat Guy is pointing behind himself back toward the opening. A “talk” bubble above his head shows an exclamation mark inside a triangle suspended over the opening. The short haired guy has a thought bubble with the White Hat Guy in it, pointing behind himself.

Panel Three: White Hat Guy is waving his arms and the talk bubble above his head shows the exclamation mark inside a triangle suspended over the opening. Short Haired Guy’s thought bubble shows an agitated White Hat Guy.

Panel Four: White Hat Guy is walking away from Short Haired Guy, who has his hands up in confusion. White Hat Guy’s thought bubble has Short Haired Guy in it, and Short Haired Guy’s thought bubble shows White Hat Guy walking away.

Panel Five: White Hat Guy meets Dark Haired Woman. His talk bubble has Short Haired Guy in it and hers has an exclamation mark inside a triangle suspended over an opening.

Panel Six: The Dark Haired Woman is walking the way White Hat Guy came. Her thought bubble now has White Hat Guy in it. White Hat Guy is walking the way Dark Haired Woman came and his thought bubble now has both Short Haired Guy and Dark Haired Woman.

Panel Seven: Dark Haired Woman meets Short Haired Guy. Both their thought bubbles have White Hat Guy in them.

Panel Eight: Dark Haired Woman and Short Haired Guy both have talk bubbles with the White Hat Guy in them.

Panel Nine: Dark Haired Woman and Short Haired Guy are both walking the way White Hat Guy came from. Both have talk bubbles with the White Hat Guy in them.

Panel Ten: The panel is empty except for stars and exclamation points coming from the direction the previous two stick figures were walkng.

Panel Eleven: The opening, showing just the tops of the heads of Dark Haired Woman and Short Haired Guy . Similar stars and exclamation points come from the side of the panel where White Hat Guy went.

Panel Twelve: The other opening, showing the top of White Hat Guy’s head.

Panel Thirteen: A stick figure wearing a beret is standing at the edge of a large, deep opening, looking down. A thought bubble above the figure’s head shows the large opening with an exclamation mark inside a triangle  suspended over it.

Panel Fourteen: The Beret Guy is going away.

Panel Fifteen: Beret Guy meets another stick figure and holds out his hand. A talk bubble above his head shows Beret Guy reaching out to the other stick figure. A thought bubble over the other stick figure’s head shows Beret Guy reaching out.

Panel Sixteen: Beret Guy has taken the other figure’s hand and is leading him back the way Beret Guy came. The other figure has a thought bubble with Beret Guy surrounded by question marks.

Panel Seventeen: Beret Guy is showing the large opening to the other stick figure.

Panel Eighteen: Both stick figures are walking away from the opening with thought bubbles showing the large opening with an exclamation mark inside a triangle  suspended over it.

Hover text: Anyone who says that they’re great at communicating but “people are bad at listening”; is confused about how communication works.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1027: Pickup Artist (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Panel One: Drawing of two stick figures sitting at a table. They each have a drink in front of them. The figure on the left has very short dark hair.

Person 1: I’ve been learning tricks from pickup artist forums.

Person 2: Pickup artists are dehumanizing creeps who see relationships as adversarial and women as sex toys.

Panel Two: Close up of the first scene, but now, in the background, are two other stick figures seated at a table. The one on the left has long dark hair and the one on the right is wearing a black hat.

Person 1: No, it’s just a bunch of tips! Like negging: you belittle chicks to undermine their self-confidence so they’ll be more vulnerable and seek your approval.

Panel Three: Close up on Person 2.

Person 2: Just talk to them like a fucking human being.

Person 1 (off-panel): Nah, that’s a sucker’s game – Ok-wish me luck!

Panel Four:

Caption

Meanwhile…

At the other table, the figure wearing the black hat is standing next to his chair, holding a bowling ball under his arm. The figure with the long, dark hair has a plate of food in front of her and is eating some of it.

Black Hat Guy: I’m going to the bathroom to roll a bowling ball down under the line of stalls.

Woman with Long Hair: Cool.

Panel Five: Close up on Person 2 as he watches, in the background, Person 1 approaching the Woman with Long Hair.

Person 2: Oh no.

Panel Six: Person 1 is leaning nonchalantly on the table of the Woman with Long Hair.

Person 1: You look like you’re on a diet. That’s great! – How’s the fruit plate?

Panel Seven: Close up on the Woman with Long Hair.

Woman with Long Hair: Ooh-Are we negging?  – Let me try!

Panel Eight: Same as Seven.

Woman with Long Hair: You look like your’e going to spend your life having one epiphany after anohter, always thinking you’ve finally figured out whats holding you back, and how you can finally be productive and creative and turn yur life around – But nothing will ever change. That cycle of mediocrity isn’t due to some obstacle. IT’s who you are. – The thing standing in the way of your dreams is you.

Panel Nine: Similar to Panel Six, but now Person 1 is standing slightly away from the table.

Woman with Long Hair: Ok, your turn! Ooh, try insulting my hair!

Person 1: I think I need to go home and think about my life.

Woman with Long Hair: It won’t help.

Hover text: Son, don’t try to play “Make You Feel Bad” with the Michael Jordan of making you feel bad.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

 

XKCD Web Comic #1026: Compare and Contrast (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Scene: A chart comparing “Thee” to “A Summer’s Day.”

First Item: Fair, Temperate- Thee checked, ASD checked.

Second Item: Hot, Sticky- Thee checked, ASD checked.

Third Item: Short- Thee checked, ASD not checked.

Fourth Item:Harbinger of Hurricane Season- Thee not checked, ASD checked.

Fifth Item: Required for a Good Beach Party- Thee checked, ASD checked.

Sixth Item: Major Cause of Heat Stroke in the Elderly- Thee not checked, ASD checked.

Seventh Item: Linked to Higher Rates of Juvenile Delinquency- Thee checked, ASD checked.

Eighth Item: Sometimes Too Stifling- Thee checked, ASD checked.

Ninth Item: Arrested for Releasing Snakes in Library- Thee checked, ASD not checked.

Difficult to Focus on Work While I’m In- Thee checked, ASD checked.

Hover text: Frankly, I see no difference between thee and a summer’s day. Only Ron Paul offers a TRUE alternative!

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

 

XKCD Web Comic #1025: Tumblr (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Scene: A drawing of two stick figures standing and talking together. The one on the left has dark hair and the one on the right has hand to face in a thinking pose.

Person 1: You know those weird noises from my attic? – Turns out some raccoons got in and were operating this, like, raccoon sex dungeon.

Person 2:  . . . Dot tumblr dot com.

Caption

For me, “. . . dot tumblr dot com” has been gradually replacing “. . . would be a good name for a band.”

Hover text: Dot Tumblr Dot Com, on the other hand, would be an awful name for a band, if only because of how hard it would be to direct people to your band’s website.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1024: Error Code (described)

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Panel One: Drawing of a stick figure seated at a computer desk. Another stick figure is standing in front of a bookcase, taking down a large volume with the title “Error Codes.”

Person 1: “Error:-41″? That’s helpful. It doesn’t even say which program it’s from!

Person 2: -41? I’ll look it up. . .

Panel Two: The second stick figure is reading from the book.

Person 2: It says -41 is: “Sit by a lake.”

Panel Three: The two stick figures are walking away.

Panel Four: The two stick figures are sitting on the floor, one knees up and the other more sprawled back.

Panel Five: This panel is much larger and has a full color, photo-quality image of a beautiful, deep blue lake with lily pads, surrounded by greenery and topped with a softening evening sky.

Panel Six: The two stick figures are still seated on the floor.

Person 1: I don’t know hwere you got that book, but I like it.

Person 2: Hasn’t been wrong yet.

Hover text: It has a section on motherboard beep codes that lists, for each beep pattern, a song that syncs up well with it.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.