XKCD Web Comic #1027: Pickup Artist (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Panel One: Drawing of two stick figures sitting at a table. They each have a drink in front of them. The figure on the left has very short dark hair.

Person 1: I’ve been learning tricks from pickup artist forums.

Person 2: Pickup artists are dehumanizing creeps who see relationships as adversarial and women as sex toys.

Panel Two: Close up of the first scene, but now, in the background, are two other stick figures seated at a table. The one on the left has long dark hair and the one on the right is wearing a black hat.

Person 1: No, it’s just a bunch of tips! Like negging: you belittle chicks to undermine their self-confidence so they’ll be more vulnerable and seek your approval.

Panel Three: Close up on Person 2.

Person 2: Just talk to them like a fucking human being.

Person 1 (off-panel): Nah, that’s a sucker’s game – Ok-wish me luck!

Panel Four:

Caption

Meanwhile…

At the other table, the figure wearing the black hat is standing next to his chair, holding a bowling ball under his arm. The figure with the long, dark hair has a plate of food in front of her and is eating some of it.

Black Hat Guy: I’m going to the bathroom to roll a bowling ball down under the line of stalls.

Woman with Long Hair: Cool.

Panel Five: Close up on Person 2 as he watches, in the background, Person 1 approaching the Woman with Long Hair.

Person 2: Oh no.

Panel Six: Person 1 is leaning nonchalantly on the table of the Woman with Long Hair.

Person 1: You look like you’re on a diet. That’s great! – How’s the fruit plate?

Panel Seven: Close up on the Woman with Long Hair.

Woman with Long Hair: Ooh-Are we negging?  – Let me try!

Panel Eight: Same as Seven.

Woman with Long Hair: You look like your’e going to spend your life having one epiphany after anohter, always thinking you’ve finally figured out whats holding you back, and how you can finally be productive and creative and turn yur life around – But nothing will ever change. That cycle of mediocrity isn’t due to some obstacle. IT’s who you are. – The thing standing in the way of your dreams is you.

Panel Nine: Similar to Panel Six, but now Person 1 is standing slightly away from the table.

Woman with Long Hair: Ok, your turn! Ooh, try insulting my hair!

Person 1: I think I need to go home and think about my life.

Woman with Long Hair: It won’t help.

Hover text: Son, don’t try to play “Make You Feel Bad” with the Michael Jordan of making you feel bad.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.