August 17, 2019

XKCD Web Comic #1023: Late-Night PBS (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Blag: Remember geohashing? Something pretty cool happened Sunday.

 

Panel One: Drawing of two stick figures, standing together and talking. The one on the left has disheveled hair and is rubbing at her eyes tiredly.

Person One: Have you ever watched PBS late at night? – I fell asleep after Downton and woke up at like 3 AM.

Panel Two: Drawing of the set of Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego. Three stick figure children are standing behind contestant podiums while the unshaven host is standing blearily next to the display monitor, clutching a bottle of booze.

Caption

Where in the World in Carmen Sandiego was back on, except the host hadn’t aged well and he’d clearly been drinking.

Every question took them to some horrible place like Mogadishu or the Cambodian Killing Fields.

Panel Three: Drawing of of a large wall bookcase swung open like a door.

Caption

The kids were freaked out, but they kept playing. Eventually they were told they’d found Carmen Sandiego hiding behind a bookshelf in a Dutch apartment.

Panel Four: Same as Panel One.

Person 1: The Chief appeared and asked “Are you proud of what you’ve become?” – Then Rockapella walked out and just glared at the kids until they started crying.

Person 2: I, uh, don’t remember the old show being that dark.

Person 1: Maybe we were too young to pick up on it.

Hover text: Then it switched to these old black-and-white tapes of Bob Ross slumped against the wall of an empty room, painting the least happy trees you’ve ever seen. Either PBS needs to beef up studio security or I need to stop using Ambien to sleep.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

XKCD Web Comic #1022: So It Has Come To This (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Scene: Two stick figures are facing each other, talking. The one on the left has long dark hair and holds an empty sack.

Person 1: We ran out of cat food.

Person 2: So – It has come to this.

Caption

Protip: If you’re not sure what to say, try “So it has come to this’ — it creates instant dramatic tension and is a valid observation in literally any situation.

Hover text: “Come to what?” “You. Me. This moment.”

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1021: Business Plan (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Panel One: A stick figure wearing a beret stands on a beach, looking out at the water. The background is a fairly detailed pencil sketch of water and sand and grass instead of the usual plain white.

Panel Two: The stick figure leaves. Background is plain white.

Panel Three: The stick returns, carrying a small easel, a large jar, and a sack marked “BREAD.”

Panel Four: The stick figure is spreading out bread crumbs from the sack on the ground.

Panel Five: The stick figure is setting up the small easel.

Panel Six: The stick figure leaves.

Panel Seven: This panel is larger than the other six put together and is full of detail again. Waves crash on the sandy beach. A stick figure couple, one with long hair and one with none, are holding hands on the beach and staring at the easel. The one with no hair has his free hand up to his head in a questioning manner. Four seagulls are standing around the easel, eating the breadcrumbs. The jar is next to the easel with a dollar sign on it. The sign on the easel reads: Gulls For Sale.

Hover text: The investor elevator pitch is “Wheeeeeeee! Elevators are fun!”

Panel Seven:

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1020: Orion Nebula (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

 

Panel One: A stick figure is standing behind a podium with the letters “I A U ” on the front, underneath a banner that reads “International Astronomical Union.”

Person 1: Welcome to I A U Symposium #279.

Panel Two: Side view of the stick figure from the first panel. The podium is up on a stage.

Person 1: We are no strangers to controversy, and we will not shy away from the tough issues. – Which brings us to the subject at hand:

Panel Three: Front view of the stick figure behind the podium. Over the stick figure’s left shoulder is a screen with a projection of the Orion Constellation. An arrow indicates the Orion Nebula, which is visible “south of Orion’s belt.” The stick figure is pointing at this arrow.

Person 1: It’s time to talk about the fact that Orion clearly has a dong.

Off panel: It’s hard to miss.

Off panel: We could keep telling people it’s a sword.

Off panel: C’mon, no one’s buying that anymore.

Hover text: Also on the agenda: what’s with his hips?”

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1019: First Post (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scene: A bar graph with two bars. The first bar is nearly as tall as the y-axis and has a dollar amount of $1,500,000 at the top. It is labeled “Cost to buy an ad on every story on a major news site every day until the election.” The second bar is much shorter and has a dollar amount of $200,000 at the top. It is labeled “Cost to pay five college students $20/hour to camp the site 24/7 and post the first few comments the moment a story goes up, giving you the last word in every article and creating an impression of peer consensus.”

Hover text: Nuh-uh! We let users vote on comments and display them by number of votes. Everyone knows that makes it impossible for a few persistent voices to dominate the discussion.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1018: Good Cop, Dadaist Cop (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Panel One: Two stick figures, both wearing police caps and one with a ponytail, are looking through a two-way mirror at a suspect in an interrogation room. The suspect is seated in a chair under a hanging light and is wearing handcuffs.

Police officer 1: All right, let’s try good cop, dadaist cop.

Panel Two: The police officer without a ponytail is sitting in a chair, talking to the suspect.

Police Officer 1: Look, you’re a good guy. We can work this out. Hey, lemme get us some coffee.

Panel Three: The two police officers pass each other, the first going out and the second going in. She carries a rolled up paper in her hand.

Panel Four: The police officer thrusts the unrolled paper at the startled subject.

Police Officer 2: See this? It’s Mark Zuckerberg’s mortgage – So why is it written in church latin?

Panel Five: The officer grabs the still seated suspect’s face and shakes it.

Police Officer 2: Why are my bones so small?

Suspect: What’s wrong with you?!

Police Officer 2: What’s wrong with art?

Hover text:  NOW INVENT AN IMPOSSIBLE-TO-TRANSLATE LANGUAGE AND USE IT TO TELL US WHERE THE MONEY IS.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1017: Backward in Time (described)

A web comic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.

 

[BG note: If you click on the comic panel at the xkcd site, it takes you to a spread sheet that enables you to use the formula.]

Scene: Caption

When I have a boring task to get through–a three-hour lecture, a giant file download, or a long-term goal in fitocracy–I use this formula to convert the percentage completed (p) into a date:

( the formula has a box around it)

T =(Current Date) – (e^(20.3444p^3 + 3)-e^3)years

Caption

When the task is 0% done, it gives today’s date, and as I make progress, I move further and further back in time.

(a grayed-out formula in a box)

Inverse: p = sqrt[ln((T+e^3)/20.3444)]

(a timeline)

0% / New 10% /Sept. 2011 30%/1997 40%/1958  50%/1776 60% 405AD 70%/22,000 years ago 80%/671,000 years ago 90%/55 million years ago 100%/138 million years ago

Caption

It moves slowly through the past few years, then steadily accelerates. I tuned the formula so the time spent in each part of the past is loosely proportional to how well I know it. This means I hit familiar landmarks with each bit of progress, giving me a satisfying sense of movement.

(Six boxes are stacked in a 3×2 pattern)

Top Left Box: 7.308%/December 18, 2011 Around this time: Kim Jong-Il dies. U. S.  leaves Iraq.

Top Right Box: 31.12% February 1995 Around this time: Windows95 debuts. O J found not guilty.

Middle Left Box: 47.91%/1844 Around this time: Rubber vulcanized, bicycle invented, wrench patented.

Middle Right Box: 70.33%/24,000 years ago Around this time: Caves painted, ceramic art made. Neanderthals extinct.

Bottom Left Box: 90.42%/68 million years ago Around this time: First flowering plants. Chicxulub impact kills off most dinosaurs.

Bottom Right Box: 100%/13.76 billion years ago Around this time: Universe begins. First stars ignite Download complete

Two stick figures are talking. One holds up a laptop and is looking at it  and the other has dark hair.

Person 1: Swoosh! Watching all that time blur past is such a rush!

Person 2: So…you’ve tried to make an extreme sport out of…waiting.

Person 1: Swoosh!

Hover text: People tell me I have too much time on my hands, but really the problem is that there’s too much time, PERIOD.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license

XKCD Web Comic #1016: Valentine Dilemma (described)

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Panel One: A stick figure is standing with one hand up to his face in a thinking pose.

Person 1: Flowers seem so…trite. Something homemade? Easy to look halfhearted.

Panel Two: A stick figure with dark hair is seated at a computer desk. She also has one hand up to her face in a thinking pose.

Person 2: Valentine’s Day is a corporate construct. – But hard to opt out of. – I don’t want to be a consumer tool or an inconsiderate jerk.

Panel Three: The first stick figure is pacing.

Person 1: How do I fight cliché ? I could get her a gift on a different day. – But what am I proving?

Panel Four: The second stick figure leans back in her chair, fiddling with a stapler from the desk.

Person 2: It’s such a contrived ritual. But maybe rituals are necessary social glue.

Panel Five: Close up on the first stick figure, now with both hands to his face in distress.

Person 1: Forty presents. No, none! No, give her five items and then steal two from her. – Ok, breathe. Keep it together.

Panel Six: Close up on the dark haired figure, holding the stapler out in one hand while holding the other hand to her face. Lines indicating stress are above her head.

Person 2: And what if he gets me something and I don’t reciprocate? – Prisoners Dilemma! – AAAAAAAAAA!!

Panel Seven: The two stick figures stand facing each other. The first one is holding several items and the second one is still holding her hand to her face.

Person 1: I got you Easter candy and a jar of hammers.

Person 2: I panicked and stapled my hand to my face.

Person 1: We overthought this.

Person 2: Yes.

Hover text: The worst resolution to the Valentine Prisoner’s Dilemma is when YOU decide not to give your partner a present but your PARTNER decides to testify against you in the armed robbery case.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1015: Kerning (described)

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Scene: Two stick figures are walking down a city street. A brick wall displays a sign that says “CITY OFFICES” with the “f”s too close together and too much space between the “C” s and the following letters. The first stick figure has hands held up in rage and a small squiggly black cloud over the head.

First Person: Argh!

Second Person: What?

Caption: If you really  hate someone, teach them to recognize bad kerning.

Hover text: I have never been as self-conscious about my handwriting as when I was inking in the caption for this comic.

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1014: Car Problems (described)

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Panel One: A stick figure with dark hair holds a pointer and indicates a pulled down projector screen with it. The screen has an image of a blue car. Looking at the screen are three other stick figures–one wears a black hat and lounges on a comfy chair. To the right of the chair is a stick figure with long dark hair and to the left is a stick figure with no embellishments.

Person One: Attention, please. – This is a photo of my car as of two weeks ago.

Panel Two: Close up of first stick figure, now pointing at a projection of the same blue car in flames.

Person One: And this is my car as I found it this morning. – Can anyone tell me what’s wrong with this picture?

Panel Three: The other three figures lean forward a little as they contemplate the burning car.

Panel Four: Similar to Panel One, but the first stick figure has lowered the pointer.

Unembellished Figure: The white balance, for one.

Long, dark haired Figure: Focus is a bit too close.

Black Hat Guy: The chromatic aberration suggests you bought your camera because it had “the most megapixels.”

Panel Five: Similar scene as before, but the first figure has swung the arm holding the pointer up to point at the projection again.

Person One:The car is on fire!

Off-panel: Maybe you should use the insurance money to get a better camera.

Off-panel: Yeah.

Hover text: Or if you replace your car, we’ll be happy to set it on fire again so you can take another crack at getting that shot.

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1013: Wake Up Sheeple (described)

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

Panel One: Drawing of a stick figure yelling through a megaphone.

Person One: Your government has turned against you! Corporations control your every thought.  -  Open your eyes!

Panel Two: Close up of stick figure speaking even more emphatically through megaphone.

Person One: Wake up, sheeple! Wake up, sheeple!  -  Wake up, sheeple!

Panel Three: The stick figure has lowered the megaphone and is listening to an ominous rumble.

Panel Four: A half-sheep/half-man creature rises through the crackling earth, with a resounding ”B-A-A-A-A,” holding aloft a gnarled staff.

Panel Five: Close up on the creature’s inhuman eye.

Creature: Ten thousand years we slumbered…Now we riiiiiiiise! Baaaaaa!

Panel Six: A distraught appearing stick figure with dark hair speaks to the first stick figure.

Off panel: He awoke the sheeple!

Distraught stick figure: Ohgodohgodohgod. Why did you do that?!

Person One: What? But I didn’t–

Off panel: Heaven forgive us!

Off panel: All is lost!

Hover text:  You will be led to judgement like lambs to the slaughter–a simile whose existence, I might add, will not do your species any favors.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1012: Wrong Superhero (described)

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scene: A giant praying mantis, along with many smaller ones, is attacking several stick figures. One stick figure dangles upside down from the mantis’s claw, while two more stick figures face the mantis, their backs against a desk with a microscope and a beaker on top. One of the two figures has a ponytail, is wearing safety glasses, and wields a baseball bat while the other fires a gun at the mantis. Another stick figure is on the other side of the desk, hiding beneath it. The caped figure, Etymology-Man from the previous comic, is standing at the far right of the panel, facing the chaos and talking to the hiding figure.

Etymology-Man: Ah, no–you wanted Entomology-Man, spelled with an “N.” See, it’s from the Greek entomon, meaning “insect,” which is itself the neuter form of entomos, meaning “segmented” or…

Hover text: Hi! Someone call for me? I’m a superhero who specializes in the study of God’s creation of Man in the Book of Genesi– HOLY SHIT A GIANT BUG!

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #1011: Baby Names (described)

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Scene: A stick figure sits at a desk with pencil and paper,  hand on chin in a thinking pose. A stick figure with dark hair is standing behind the chair, also with hand on chin. Above their heads appears the list that they are working on, entitled “Names for daughter.”

1. Ponzi

2. Eeemily

3. Fire Fire

4. Chipotla

5. Astamouthe

6. Eggsperm

7. [sound of record scratch]

8. Parsly

9. Hot ‘n’ Juicy Ann

10. Ovari

11. Friendly

12. Sean (pronounced “seen”)

13. Joyst

Hover text: I’ve been trying for a couple years now but I haven’t been able to come up with a name dumber than “Renesmee.”

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.