August 17, 2019

XKCD Web Comic #997: Wait Wait (described)

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Caption above comic:

Headlines Stockpiled in Case Peter Sagal, Host of NPR ‘s Wait wait Don’t tell me, Does Something Newsworthy in 2012

Each panel looks like the front page of a newspaper, most with a small “photo”.

Panel One: Wait Wait Don’t Shoot Me

NPR’s Sagal in Whole Foods Hostage Standoff

“Photo” of stick figure wearing a ski mask and holding a gun on a stick figure Sagal.

Panel Two: Wait Wait Don’t Vote for Me

Peter Sagal Quits Race for GOP Top Spot

“Photo” of a stick figure Sagal standing behind a lectern with two other stick figures, one on each side.

Panel Three: Wait Wait Don’t Judge Me

Sagal Opens Up About His Kermit Fantasy

Side by side “photos” of a stick figure Sagal and Kermit

Panel Four: Wait Wait Don’t Fire Me

Peter Sagal Let Go After Racist Tirade

Close-up “Photo” of a stick figure Sagal

Panel Five: Wait Wait Don’t Cancel Me

“Photo” of a stick figure with long hair standing behind an NPR lectern with two other stick figures, one on each side.

NPR Axing News Quiz

Panel Six: Wait Wait Don’t Interrupt Me

Sagal Stabs Karl Kasell in On-Air Dispute

“Photo” of a stick figure Sagal holding a knife overhead

Panel Seven: Wait Wait Don’t Look at Me

Peter Saga’s Poison Ivy Ordeal

“Photo” of a stick figure Sagal covered with bumps

Panel Eight: Wait Wait Don’t Friend Me

Peter Sagal Deletes His Facebook Account

“Photo” of a stick figure Sagal holding an open laptop

Panel Nine: Wait Wait Don’t Seduce Me

How Laksmi Singh Stole Sagals’ Heart

Close-up “Photo” of a stick figure Sagal with a long-haired stick figure in the background

Panel Ten: Wait Wait Don’t Leave Me

Sagal’s Wife Out After Affair

“Photo” of a long-haired stick figure carrying a suitcase in the foreground and a stick figure Sagal with outstretched arms in the background

Panel Eleven: Wait Wait Don’t Spray Me

Police Raid Sagal’s Occupy NPR Protest

“Photo” of a stick figure wearing riot gear pepper spraying a stick figure Sagal

Panel Twelve:  Wait Wait Don’t Indict Me

Sagal, Five Others Named in Cash-For-Tote-Bags Scandal

“Photo” of a stick figure Sagal wearing handcuffs and being held between two stick figures wearing police caps

Panel Thirteen: Wait Wait Don’t Clone Me

Peter Sagal ‘Outraged’ Over DNA Harvesting

“Photo” of a stick figure Sagal standing behind a lectern, one fist raised in the air

Panel Fourteen: Wait Wait Don’t Bust Me

Peter Sagal’s Ghost Captured

“Photo” of two ghostbuster stick figures holding a ghostly stick figure Sagal in a proton beam

Panel Fifteen: Wait Wait Don’t Dissect Me

Snoozing Sagal Nearly Snuffed in Autopsy Snafu

“Photo” of a stick figure Sagal sitting up on an autopsy table and a stick figure running away

Panel Sixteen: Wait Wait Don’t Objectify Me

Peter Sagal is More Than Just a Piece of Meat

No “photo”

Panel Seventeen: Wait Wait Don’t Beatify Me

Peter Sagal Rebukes Pope

“Photo” of a stick figure Sagal, one fist raised in the air, looking at a picture of the Pope

Panel Eighteen: Wait Wait Don’t Me

Peter Sagal Accidentally

“Photo” of a stick figure Sagal upside down

Panel Nineteen: Wait Wait Don’t Speak Its Name

Peter Sagal Wakes Eldritch Terror

“Photo” of blackness with giant eyes

Panel Twenty: Wait Wait Even For NPR This is a Bit Much

This American Life to Document the Road to Recovery for Those Who Suffer the Trauma of Losing on Wait Wait

No “photo”

Hover text: You can’t stab Karl Kasell. He sounds all slow and stentorian, but he moves like a snake.

 

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

 

XKCD Web Comic #996: Making Things Difficult (described)

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

Some context for the cancer comics:
http://blog.xkcd.com/2011/06/30/family-illness/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Panel One:

Caption above panel

Breast Cancer Surgery Follow-Up

Drawing of a stick figure with a ponytail, wearing a white labcoat and a headband reflector, holding a clipboard and talking to another stick figure. The second figure has dark hair, wears an examination gown and is seated on an exam table.

Doctor Figure: You’re looking great! Remove your top so I can check how the incision is healing.

Patient: Nuh-uh

Panel Two: Same scene.

Doctor Figure: *Sigh*- Do we have to do this every time?

Patient: You know the rules.

Panel Three: Close up on Doctor Figure, who now has clipboard under one arm while digging in labcoat pockets.

Doctor Figure: This is so ridiculous…

Panel Four: Similar scene as before, but now the Doctor Figure is holding out a string of pink beads, while the Patient is opening the top of the exam gown.

Doctor Figure: Here.

Patient: Woooo!

Hover text: Favorite mastectomy breast prosthesis idea: a fake boob containing a spare rechargable battery, accessed via a nipple USB port. Complete with a ring of LED charge indicators in the areola!

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #995: Coinstar (described)

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Panel One: Drawing of a stick figure standing in front of Coinstar machine and inserting something into the slot.

Machine: WhirrrrrrrBzzt

Panel Two: Stick figure has stepped back from the machine and is holding a small bag in one hand.

Machine: Kachunk Tshhhhhhhhhh CLICK Click click click GRIND

Panel Three: Same scene.

Machine: Pop! Beeeeeeeeeeeep!

Holiday Tip: Coinstar does not handle chocolate coins well.

Hover text: Plus they take like 9%.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #994: Advent Calendar (described)

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scene: Advent calender, the kind with the little doors that open and there’s a space inside for candy.

The first door, red with a sprig of holly, is open and empty. It is labeled December 23rd. The front of the second door, labeled December 24th, 12:00 am, is open so wide the front can’t be seen and the space inside is empty. The third door, labeled December 24th, Noon,  is slightly open, empty, and is green with a red and white Santa hat. The rest of the doors are closed. The fourth door is white with crossed candy canes and is labeled December 24th, 6:00 pm.

Next row-

Fifth door-white with red tree ornament, December 24th, 9:00 pm. Sixth door-red with white star, December 24th 10:30 pm. Seventh door, green with red heart, December 24th, 11:15 pm. Eighth door, white with red sleigh, December 24th, 11:37:30,

Next row-

Ninth door, green with red and white Christmas stocking, December 24th, 11:48:45 pm. Tenth door, red with green Christmas tree, December 24th, 11:54:22.5 pm. Eleventh door,  white with green Christmas wreath, December 24th, 11:57:11.25 pm. Twelfth door, green with red and white Christmas present, December 24th, 11:58:35.63 pm.

Just the tops of the next row of doors can be seen at the bottom of the panel, implying there are many more doors.

Caption: Zeno’s Advent Calendar

Hover text: I think you could get up to about 11:59:57 before you’d have trouble swallowing the chocolates fast enough. At that point, you’d need some kind of a liquify-and-chug apparatus to get up over the 11:59:59 barrier. Anyway, Merry Christmas!”

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

 

 

XKCD Web Comic #993: Brand Identity (described)

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

Scene: Panel is filled with four grocery store shelves, all densely packed with brightly colored products arranged like to like. In each section, one brand label stands out because it is bright white with black letters proclaiming just what the product is and not more. For example, next to a tan bread wrapper with the words “Country Loaf” and a red building on the label, there is a white wrapper with just the word “Bread.”

Caption: If I ever sold a line of supermarket goods, this is how I’d build a brand identity overnight.

Hover text: Legally-mandated information would be printed on the back or discreetly along the bottom. In small letters under the nutrition information it would say “Like our products? Visit our website!”  There would be no URL.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #992: Mnemonics(described)

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

xkcd presents:

Some New

Science Mnemonics

Panel One:

Caption Above Drawing

Order of Operations

Parentheses, Exponents, Division & Multiplication, Addition & Subtraction

Traditional: Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally

Drawing of a stick figure pointing at an open laptop on a desk, saying “Right there.” while a pony-tailed stick figure struggles with a dripping shark.

Caption Under Drawing

Please Email My Dad A Shark

0r

People Expect More Drugs And Sex

Panel Two:

Caption Above Drawing

SI Prefixes

Kilo, Mega, Giga Tera, Peta, Exa, Zetta, Yotta (this last is in gray)

Milli, Micro, Nano, Pico, Femto, Atto, Zepto, Yocto (this last is in gray)

Traditional:[I never learned one]

Drawing of a line graph with a dollar sign labeling the Y axis and a Zune on top of a downward plunging arrow hovering over a landscape with eleven tethered zeppelins, an offscreen voice saying, “er, what do we do with them?” and Karl  Marx in the foreground crying, “Rise!”

Caption Below

Big: Karl Marx Gave The Proletariat Eleven Zeppenlins, Yo (this last is in gray)

Small: Microsoft Made No Profit From Anyone’s Zuens, Yo (this last is in gray)

Panel Three:

Caption Above Drawing

Taxonomy

Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species

Traditional: King Philip Came Over For Good Sex

Drawing of a stick figure with long, royal hair, saying “I’m not sure who doubts this, really.

Caption Below

Katy Perry Claims Orgasms Feel Good Somtimes

or

Kernel Panics Crash Our Family Game System

Panel Four:

Caption Above Drawing

Geologic Periods

(Precambrian) Cambrian Ordovician Silurian Devonian Carboniferous Permian Triassic Jurassic Cretaceous Paleogene Neogene

Traditional: [I never learned one]

Drawing of a chart with four rows and seven columns of circles. A line across the chart separates the  bottom row from the rest.

Caption Below

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome Does Cause Problems That Judicious Contraceptives Partially Negate

Panel Five:

Caption Above Drawing

Resistor Color Codes

Black Brown, Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Violet, Gray, White

Traditional: [None I care for]

Drawing of a stick figure with a buzz cut, holding a picket sign that reads “Nanobot Vaccine Chemtrail* 9/11″

*(BG note–we think that’s what it says)

Caption Below

“Big Brother Reptilian Overlords,” Yelled Glenn, “Brainwashing Via Ground Water!!”

or

Be Bold, Respect Others; You’ll Gradually Become Versatile, Great Wikipedians!

Panel Six:

Caption Above Drawing

Planets

Mercury Venus Earth Mars Jupiter Saturn Uranus Neptune

Traditional: My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Nachos

Drawing of stick figure wearing Mary robes with a baby bump, talking to a bearded stick figure who is saying, “Uh huh.”

Caption Below

Mary’s “Virgin” Explanation Made Joseph Suspect Upstairs Neighbor

Hover text: “Sailor Moon’s head exploded once”; and “Some men have explosive orgasms” both work for the Great Lakes from west to east (Paddle-to-the-Sea order).

Warning: this comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #991: Phantom Menace (described)

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

shipping for Christmas
xkcd store–I promise I will not ship you a bobcat.

 

Panel One: Two stick figures are standing on a sidewalk in front of a brick wall. A rectangle on the wall behind them could be either a broken window or a movie poster. The figure on the left is wearing a Darth Maul mask and holding a ticket. The figure on the right is holding a green plastic light saber in one hand and a ticket in the other.

Panel Two: Same scene.

Panel Three: Same scene.

Panel Four: Same scene.

Darth Maul figure: Are you sure this place is a theater?

Light Saber figure: Let’s give it one more month.

Hover text: We could go to the theater across town and see if it’s opened THERE yet, but we don’t want to lose our place in line.

 

Warning: this comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #990: Plastic Bags (described)

Fun Fact: Stores have a competition to see who can spread your items across the most plastic shopping bags.

Panel One: Drawing of a cut-away view of a shopping bag. Circles of various sizes, representing grocery items, fill the bag.
Voice One, off-panel: Here you go!
Voice Two, off-panel: Thanks!

Panel Two: Cut-away view of two shopping bags. One has one large item, the other has four smaller items.
Voice One, off-panel: Here you go!
Voice Two, off-panel: Oh, that’s easier to carry.

Panel Three: Same view of two shopping bags, only the one with one large item is now double- bagged.
Voice One, off-panel: Here you go!
Voice Two, off-panel: Double-bagging the big stuff makes sense…

Panel Four: Cut-away view of three shopping bags. One is double-bagged with one large item, the other two have two items each.
Voice One, off-panel: Here you go!
Voice Two, off-panel:That’s a bit wasteful…

Panel Five: Cut-away view of three shopping bags, same as last panel, but now they are all double-bagged.
Voice One, off-panel: Here you go!
Voice Two, off-panel: You just put five items in six bags.

Panel Six: Cut-away view of five shopping bags, all double-bagged with one item each.
Voice One, off-panel: Here you go!
Voice Two, off-panel: OK! I give up! I’ll buy a reusable bag!

Panel Seven: Cut-away view of one double-bagged shopping bag with one item — a reusable shopping bag.
Voice One, off-panel: Here you go!
Voice Two, off-panel: AUGH!
Hover text: The high I feel when I actually remember to bring my reusable bags to the store–and take them inside rather than leaving them in the parked car–can last for days.

Warning: this comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #989: Cryogenics (described)

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

shipping for Christmas

The xkcd store - I promise not to ship any bobcats this year.(Black Hat Guy is shown struggling to put a bobcat in a box.)

 

 

Panel One: Drawing of two stick figures standing together and talking. The figure on the left has shoulder-length dark hair and is hold a small device like a cellphone, the figure on the right wears a white hat.

Dark-haired figure: Everyone’s carrying sensor-packed, always-connected computers everywhere. That wasn’t true ten years ago.

White Hat Guy: It’s all changing too fast, huh?

Dark-haired figure: No, too slowly.

Panel Two: Closeup of dark-haired figure with cellphone.

Dark-haired figure: There’s so much potential here. These clumsy, poorly-designed toys are nothing compared to what lies ahead.

Panel Three: The dark-haired figure is climbing into a long, hinge-lidded, coffin-like box with hoses attached to one end as White Hat Guy looks on.

Dark-haired figure: That’s why I’ve worked to develop cryogenic freezing.–I’m gonna skip forward 30 years and use this stuff when it’s good.

Panel Four, labeled “30 Years Later…”: The dark-haired figure is climbing out of the box, slightly frazzled and frosted. Another stick figure is standing beside the box.

Stick figure: Welcome to the future! Nothing’s changed!

Dark-haired figure: What? Why??

Panel Five: Same scene except now a long, shadowy line of cryogenic boxes can be seen, most of them opening to show other stick figures waking up.

Stick figure: When cryogenic freezing was invented, all the engineers who were excited about the future froze themselves. So there’s been no one building anything new.

Panel Six: Different view of stick figure talking to the dark-haired figure.

Stick figure: But they’re all waking up now!

Dark-haired figure: Sweet! I’m gonna jump forward to see what they do!

Off-panel: Me, too!

Off-panel: Wait, uh, guys?

Hover text: “Welcome to the future! Nothing’s changed.” was the slogan of my astonishingly short-lived tech startup.

 

Warning: this comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

 

 

XKCD Web Comic #988: Tradition (described)

A web comic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.

shipping for Christmas

The xkcd store - I promise I will not ship you a bobcat, probably.

 

Scene: A timeline of decades, starting with 1900s on the left and running to 2010s. An arrow pointing to approximately 2011 is labeled “Today.”

The timeline is titled “The 20 Most-Played Christmas Songs (2000-2009 Radio Airplay) by Decade of Popular Release.” Alternating red and green boxes labeled with song titles are stacked on the timeline. A gray shaded area labeled “Baby Boom” spans the area from late 1940′s to early 1960s. The boxes are stacked highest in this area.

1900s, 1910s, 1920s – no boxes

1930s – Santa Claus is Coming to Town

1940s – White Christmas, I’ll Be Home for Christmas, Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, Let It Snow, Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire, Winter Wonderland, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

1950s – Frosty the Snowman, Sleigh Ride, It’s Beginning to Look  a Lot Like Christmas, I Saw Momy Kissing Santa Claus, Little Drummer Boy, Blue Christmas, Jingle Bell Rock, Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree

1960s – It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year, Holly Jolly Christmas

1970s – Feliz Navidad

1980s, 1990s, 2000s, 2010s – no boxes

Caption: Every year, American culture embarks on a massive project to recreate the Christmases of Baby Boomers’ childhoods.

Hover text: An “American tradition” is anything that happened to a baby boomer twice.

Warning: this comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #987: Potential (described)

 

A web comic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Panel One: Drawing of an explosion in the lower right corner of the panel with the word “BOOM”.

Caption: When teacher complain,”You’re not working at your full potential!”

Panel Two: A car comes flipping end over end from the right with the word “CRASH”.

Caption: Don’t take it too hard.

Panel Three: Tiny stick figures run to the left,  screaming, “It’s headed this way!”, “Somebody stop him!!” and “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” as a six-tentacle-legged monster robot picks up another car, shaking a stick figure out. Two helicopters circle above the monstrosity. Atop the six tentacle legs is a clear dome where a stick figure can be seen working several control levers that whir, click and beep.

Caption: They complain way more when you do.

Hover text: The bunch of disadvantaged kids I was tutoring became too good at writing, and their essays were forcing me to confront painful existential questions, so I started trying to turn them on to drugs and crime instead.

Warning: this comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #986: Drinking Fountains (described)

A web comic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.

 

 

Scene: Drawing of a stick figure exiting a restroom. A drinking fountain hangs on the wall next to the restroom door.  A thick black arrow points right to the next scene, which is the same scene, but the stick figure is shown drinking from the fountain. A thick black arrow points down and left to the next scene, which is the same scene, except the stick figure is going back into the restroom. A thick black arrow points up and left to the original scene with the stick figure coming out of the restroom.

Caption: I avoid drinking fountains outside of bathrooms because I’m afraid of getting trapped in a loop.

Hover text: I’ve always wondered whether you could drink slowly enough, and eliminate fast enough, that you just sort of peed continuously. But I’m afraid to try because I worry someone might call while I’m doing it and ask what I’m up to, and I won’t be able to think of a lie.

 

Warning: this comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

XKCD Web Comic #985: Percentage Points (described)

A web comic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.

 

 

Scene: Drawing of a stick figure sitting in a comfy chair, watching TV.

TV: Senator’s Grayton’s campaign has imploded following the candidate’s promise to give tax breaks to drunk drivers and to authorize the use of unmanned predator drones in the War on Christmas.–Grayton had been polling at 20%, but his support has since plunged by 19%.

Caption: I hate the ambiguity created when people don’t distinguish between percentages and percentage points.

Hover text: Grayton also proposed making college scholarships available exclusively to sexually active teens, amnesty for illegal immigrants who create room for themselves by killing a citizen, and a graduated income tax based on penis size. He has been endorsed by Tracy Morgan, John Wilkes Booth’s ghost, and the Time Cube guy.

 

Warning: this comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.