A web comic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language.

 

[BG note: If you click on the comic panel at the xkcd site, it takes you to a spread sheet that enables you to use the formula.]

Scene: Caption

When I have a boring task to get through–a three-hour lecture, a giant file download, or a long-term goal in fitocracy–I use this formula to convert the percentage completed (p) into a date:

( the formula has a box around it)

T =(Current Date) – (e^(20.3444p^3 + 3)-e^3)years

Caption

When the task is 0% done, it gives today’s date, and as I make progress, I move further and further back in time.

(a grayed-out formula in a box)

Inverse: p = sqrt[ln((T+e^3)/20.3444)]

(a timeline)

0% / New 10% /Sept. 2011 30%/1997 40%/1958  50%/1776 60% 405AD 70%/22,000 years ago 80%/671,000 years ago 90%/55 million years ago 100%/138 million years ago

Caption

It moves slowly through the past few years, then steadily accelerates. I tuned the formula so the time spent in each part of the past is loosely proportional to how well I know it. This means I hit familiar landmarks with each bit of progress, giving me a satisfying sense of movement.

(Six boxes are stacked in a 3×2 pattern)

Top Left Box: 7.308%/December 18, 2011 Around this time: Kim Jong-Il dies. U. S.  leaves Iraq.

Top Right Box: 31.12% February 1995 Around this time: Windows95 debuts. O J found not guilty.

Middle Left Box: 47.91%/1844 Around this time: Rubber vulcanized, bicycle invented, wrench patented.

Middle Right Box: 70.33%/24,000 years ago Around this time: Caves painted, ceramic art made. Neanderthals extinct.

Bottom Left Box: 90.42%/68 million years ago Around this time: First flowering plants. Chicxulub impact kills off most dinosaurs.

Bottom Right Box: 100%/13.76 billion years ago Around this time: Universe begins. First stars ignite Download complete

Two stick figures are talking. One holds up a laptop and is looking at it  and the other has dark hair.

Person 1: Swoosh! Watching all that time blur past is such a rush!

Person 2: So…you’ve tried to make an extreme sport out of…waiting.

Person 1: Swoosh!

Hover text: People tell me I have too much time on my hands, but really the problem is that there’s too much time, PERIOD.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors). Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Panel One: A stick figure is standing with one hand up to his face in a thinking pose.

Person 1: Flowers seem so…trite. Something homemade? Easy to look halfhearted.

Panel Two: A stick figure with dark hair is seated at a computer desk. She also has one hand up to her face in a thinking pose.

Person 2: Valentine’s Day is a corporate construct. – But hard to opt out of. – I don’t want to be a consumer tool or an inconsiderate jerk.

Panel Three: The first stick figure is pacing.

Person 1: How do I fight cliché ? I could get her a gift on a different day. – But what am I proving?

Panel Four: The second stick figure leans back in her chair, fiddling with a stapler from the desk.

Person 2: It’s such a contrived ritual. But maybe rituals are necessary social glue.

Panel Five: Close up on the first stick figure, now with both hands to his face in distress.

Person 1: Forty presents. No, none! No, give her five items and then steal two from her. – Ok, breathe. Keep it together.

Panel Six: Close up on the dark haired figure, holding the stapler out in one hand while holding the other hand to her face. Lines indicating stress are above her head.

Person 2: And what if he gets me something and I don’t reciprocate? – Prisoners Dilemma! – AAAAAAAAAA!!

Panel Seven: The two stick figures stand facing each other. The first one is holding several items and the second one is still holding her hand to her face.

Person 1: I got you Easter candy and a jar of hammers.

Person 2: I panicked and stapled my hand to my face.

Person 1: We overthought this.

Person 2: Yes.

Hover text: The worst resolution to the Valentine Prisoner’s Dilemma is when YOU decide not to give your partner a present but your PARTNER decides to testify against you in the armed robbery case.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Scene: Two stick figures are walking down a city street. A brick wall displays a sign that says “CITY OFFICES” with the “f”s too close together and too much space between the “C” s and the following letters. The first stick figure has hands held up in rage and a small squiggly black cloud over the head.

First Person: Argh!

Second Person: What?

Caption: If you really  hate someone, teach them to recognize bad kerning.

Hover text: I have never been as self-conscious about my handwriting as when I was inking in the caption for this comic.

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Panel One: A stick figure with dark hair holds a pointer and indicates a pulled down projector screen with it. The screen has an image of a blue car. Looking at the screen are three other stick figures–one wears a black hat and lounges on a comfy chair. To the right of the chair is a stick figure with long dark hair and to the left is a stick figure with no embellishments.

Person One: Attention, please. – This is a photo of my car as of two weeks ago.

Panel Two: Close up of first stick figure, now pointing at a projection of the same blue car in flames.

Person One: And this is my car as I found it this morning. – Can anyone tell me what’s wrong with this picture?

Panel Three: The other three figures lean forward a little as they contemplate the burning car.

Panel Four: Similar to Panel One, but the first stick figure has lowered the pointer.

Unembellished Figure: The white balance, for one.

Long, dark haired Figure: Focus is a bit too close.

Black Hat Guy: The chromatic aberration suggests you bought your camera because it had “the most megapixels.”

Panel Five: Similar scene as before, but the first figure has swung the arm holding the pointer up to point at the projection again.

Person One:The car is on fire!

Off-panel: Maybe you should use the insurance money to get a better camera.

Off-panel: Yeah.

Hover text: Or if you replace your car, we’ll be happy to set it on fire again so you can take another crack at getting that shot.

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

Panel One: Drawing of a stick figure yelling through a megaphone.

Person One: Your government has turned against you! Corporations control your every thought.  -  Open your eyes!

Panel Two: Close up of stick figure speaking even more emphatically through megaphone.

Person One: Wake up, sheeple! Wake up, sheeple!  -  Wake up, sheeple!

Panel Three: The stick figure has lowered the megaphone and is listening to an ominous rumble.

Panel Four: A half-sheep/half-man creature rises through the crackling earth, with a resounding ”B-A-A-A-A,” holding aloft a gnarled staff.

Panel Five: Close up on the creature’s inhuman eye.

Creature: Ten thousand years we slumbered…Now we riiiiiiiise! Baaaaaa!

Panel Six: A distraught appearing stick figure with dark hair speaks to the first stick figure.

Off panel: He awoke the sheeple!

Distraught stick figure: Ohgodohgodohgod. Why did you do that?!

Person One: What? But I didn’t–

Off panel: Heaven forgive us!

Off panel: All is lost!

Hover text:  You will be led to judgement like lambs to the slaughter–a simile whose existence, I might add, will not do your species any favors.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scene: A giant praying mantis, along with many smaller ones, is attacking several stick figures. One stick figure dangles upside down from the mantis’s claw, while two more stick figures face the mantis, their backs against a desk with a microscope and a beaker on top. One of the two figures has a ponytail, is wearing safety glasses, and wields a baseball bat while the other fires a gun at the mantis. Another stick figure is on the other side of the desk, hiding beneath it. The caped figure, Etymology-Man from the previous comic, is standing at the far right of the panel, facing the chaos and talking to the hiding figure.

Etymology-Man: Ah, no–you wanted Entomology-Man, spelled with an “N.” See, it’s from the Greek entomon, meaning “insect,” which is itself the neuter form of entomos, meaning “segmented” or…

Hover text: Hi! Someone call for me? I’m a superhero who specializes in the study of God’s creation of Man in the Book of Genesi– HOLY SHIT A GIANT BUG!

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Scene: A stick figure sits at a desk with pencil and paper,  hand on chin in a thinking pose. A stick figure with dark hair is standing behind the chair, also with hand on chin. Above their heads appears the list that they are working on, entitled “Names for daughter.”

1. Ponzi

2. Eeemily

3. Fire Fire

4. Chipotla

5. Astamouthe

6. Eggsperm

7. [sound of record scratch]

8. Parsly

9. Hot ‘n’ Juicy Ann

10. Ovari

11. Friendly

12. Sean (pronounced “seen”)

13. Joyst

Hover text: I’ve been trying for a couple years now but I haven’t been able to come up with a name dumber than “Renesmee.”

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

Panel One: A pair of stick figures are standing together, looking down and with their arms held out from their sides. Wavy lines on either side of each of them indicate movement. The figure on the right has a ponytail.

Person One: Earthquake!

Person Two: We should get to higher ground–there could be a tidal wave.

Panel Two: The same two figures are still standing in the same place. The first one has a hand raised in a lecturing manner.

Person One: You mean a tsunami. “Tidal wave” means a wave caused by tides.

Panel Three: The same two figures look up in astonishment as a caped stick figure flies from the left side of the  panel with a “crash.”

Caped Figure: You know, that doesn’t add up.

Persons One and Two: Etymology-Man!

Panel Four: Etymology-Man is standing on the ground and talking with the first two figures.

Etymology-Man: It’s been obvious for centuries that these waves come from quakes. So why “tidal”?

Panel Five: Close up of Etymology-Man, hand raised in lecturing mode.

Etymology-Man: Remember that until 2004, there weren’t any clear photos or videos of tsunamis. Some modern writers even described them rearing up and breaking like surfing waves.

Of course, in 2004 and 2011, it was made clear to everyone that a tsunami is more like a rapid, turbulent inrushing tide–exactly what historical accounts describe.

Panel Six: Same scene as Panel Four, except now a substantial amount of water has shown up in the lower left of the panel with a “sploosh.”

Etymology-Man: Maybe those writing about Lisbon in 1755 used “tidal wave” not out of scientific confusion, but because it described the wave’s form–a description lost in our rush to expunge “tidal wave” from English.

Panel Seven: Same scene as Panel Six, except now the water is up to their waists.

Etymology-Man: “Tsunami” is now the standard, and I’m trying to change that. But let’s be a tad less giddy about correcting “tidal wave”–especially when “tsunami” just means “harbor wave,” which is hardly…

Hover text: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I wish Aquaman were here instead–HE’D be able to help.

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

 

Scene: Another stick figure is standing behind a comfy chair. A stick figure with dark hair is seated the  comfy chair, facing a television screen.

Person One: Hey, is that Downtown Abbey? What town is it in the downtown of, anyway?

Person Two: *siiiiiiigh*

Person One: –Girl look at that body.

Caption: We should thank LMFAO for giving us such a great way to respond to exasperated sighs.

Hover text: If you’re annoying enough, you can get them to respond with an involuntary second sigh and get a rhythm going.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Panel One: A stick figure with dark hair is kneeling, laying out cards on the floor.

Person One: Hah!-Welcome to Suckville-Population: You.

Panel Two: A stick figure sits on the floor facing the first figure, cards laid out on the floor and some in hand.

Person Two: Why are you using 2000 census data?- That’s an old figure.

Panel Three: The two figures are sitting on the floor with the cards between them. The dark haired figure is twisted around to type on a laptop on the floor.

Person One: I couldn’t find Suckville in the 2010 census.

Person Two: Huh? It’s right there in SF-1 Table P1.

Person One: Oh. So it is..

Panel Four: The two figures have turned back to their card game.

Person One: Well, then.  Welcome to Suckville-Population: 83.

Person Two: Much better.

Hover text: Suckville is considered by the Census Bureau to be part of the Detroit metropolitan statistical area, despite not being located anywhere near Detroit.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scene: A scatter plot graph with the y-axis labeled “Frequency of the Word “Sustainable” in US English Text, as a Percentage of All Words, by Year. Source: Google NGRAMS. ” and incremented in percentages, starting at 0.000001% and increasing as multiplied by 10 up to 1,000% .The x-axis is a timeline with 20 year increments, starting at 1940 and going to 2140. The line through the scatter plots starts at about 0.000005% at about 1940 and rises up to the right to about 0.0005 at “present day”, 0.005 at 2036: “Sustainable” occurs an average of once per page, .05% at 2061: “Sustainable” ccurs an anverage of once per sentence, and by 2109: All sentences are just the word “sustainable” repeated over and over. The line becomes dotted and is surrounded by a cluster of question marks when it crosses the 100% demarcation.

Caption: The word “sustainable” is unsustainable.

Hover text: Though 100 years is longer than a lot of our resources.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

A web comic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Scene: Two stick figures are talking to each other. The one on the left has short dark hair, a chin beard, and is holding a glass in one hand.

Chin Beard: “Even though it technically wasn’t cheating, she dumped me anyway! So I tell Bret, and he’s like, “She sounds just like my crazy ex.” And I was like, “Dude, what was her name?” and it was the same girl.–I swear, if they made my life into a movie, no one would believe it.”

Second Person: “Yeah, though mostly because of the poorly-written dialogue and unlikeable main character.”

Hover text: Roger Ebert once called you directionless and unwatchable.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Scene: Blacked-out box, with white text.

Text: [don't censor the web.]

Caption: I make my living drawing xkcd, which wouldn’t have been possible if people hadn’t been able to freely share my comics with each other all over the internet.

As a copyright holder and small business owner, I oppose SOPA and PIPA. [signed Randall Munroe (with a stick figure standing on the tail of the "e.")]

See the links below to learn more.

Hover text: In protest of SOPA, I’m currently getting totally blacked out.

 

Learn more:
EFF: One-page guide to SOPA
reddit: A technical overview of the SOPA and PIPA bills
DYN: How these bills would break DNS
EFF: Free speech on the web

Act:
Contact information for US elected officials

 

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Scene: Panel with three, slightly overlapping, wobbly scene bubbles.  The far left one has a stick figure Alfred speaking to a stick figure Bruce Wayne.

Alfred: “Know your limits, Master Wayne.”

Bruce Wayne: “A man dressed like a bat has no limits.”

The center bubble has a caption above it that reads: “What the hell are you?”

Within the bubble is a stick figure Batman.

Batman: “I’m a man dressed like a bat.”

The far right bubble has a caption above that reads, “What do you propose?”

Within the bubble is a stick figure Joker.

Joker: “It’s simple–we kill a man dressed like a bat.”

Caption below–

My Hobby: Whenever anyone says “Batman,” I mentally replace it with “A Man Dressed Like a Bat.”

Hover text: I’m really worried Christopher Nolan will kill a man dressed like a bat in his next movie. (The man will be dressed like a bat, I mean. Christopher Nolan won’t be, probably.)

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Scene: A stick figure stands to the right of the panel,  arms outstretched in surprise. Small lines radiate from around the mouth area, indicating surprise and distress.

Figure: It’s Adam and Eve, not Abel and Eve!!

Caption: Adam was freaked out by what he’d just walked in on.

Hover text:  Abel and Steve would’ve been fine! I like Steve!

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scene: Chart titled Difficulty of Various Games for Computers

The top of the chart is labeled “Easy” and the bottom is labeled “Hard.”

Category – Solved-Computers Can Play Perfectly (This has two subcategories)

Subcategory One – Solved For All Possible Positions:

Tic-Tac-Toe, Nim, Ghost (1989)

Connect Four (1995)

Subcategory Two – Solved for Starting Positions

Gomoku

Checkers(2007)

Computers Can Beat Top Humans

Scrabble

Counterstrike

Beer Pong (UIUC Robot)

Reversi

Chess (February 10, 1996: First win by computer against top human. November 21, 2005: Last win by human against top computer)

Jeopardy!

Category – Computers Still Lose to Top Humans (but focused R&D could change this)

Starcraft

Poker

Arimaa

Go

Snakes and Ladders

Category – Computers May Never Outplay Humans

Mao

Seven Minutes in Heaven

Calvinball

Hover text: The top computer champion at Seven Minutes in Heaven is a Honda-built Realdoll, but to date it has been unable to outperform the human Seven Minutes in Heaven champion, Ken Jennings.”

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

Panel One: Close-up drawing of a stick figure hanging onto the sheets of a bed like he is about to fly off. The letters “AAAAAAAA” fill the air above his head.

Panel Two: Another close up drawing of a stick figure with long dark hair, also hanging onto the sheets of a bed like she is about to fly off. The letters “AAAAAAAA” fill the air above her head.

Panel Three: Top view of the two stick figures holding onto the sheets of a round bed that is spinning. Their legs are sticking straight out from the force of the spinning.

Panel Four:

Caption above the panel-Earlier that day…

The first stick figure is sitting in a chair in front of a TV, pointing at the screen. The dark haired figure is standing behind him with one hand to her face as if thinking.

First person: Haha, check it out–this guy’s mansion has an actual rotating bed.

Second person: You know, I bet it wouldn’t be too hard to build one of those…

Hover text: “ARE YOU TURNED ON YET?” “I DON’T THINK SO–ARE YOU?” “MAYBE A LITTLE!” “OK, FIVE MORE MINUTES.”

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Drawing of two stick figures, one with long, dark hair and one without, standing at the base of a giant “1000.”  On closer inspection, the giant “1000″ is composed of hundreds of tiny stick figures involved in activities from one of the previous xkcd comics. Some are simply standing in place, but many are: spinning in a chair, kissing, looking through a microscope, brandishing a sword, flying, sleeping, fishing, skating, reclining in a comfy chair, playing with a yo-yo, riding a Segway, juggling,  swimming away in terror, flying a kite, etc. There is a stick figure Stephen Hawking, a Gandalf-like figure, a devil figure, an astronaut, a figure wearing a mask and cape, and one boy in a barrel.

Dark haired figure (with arms up in the air): Woooo!

Second figure: Wow–just 24 to go until a big round-number milestone!

Hover text: Thank you for making me feel less alone.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Scene: Drawing of a stick figure, one hand up to the face, seated at a desk with a computer screen. Standing behind the seated figure is a smaller, child-like stick figure with very short hair.

Seated figure: Whoa, ever seen Wikipedia’s list of people who were attacked and killed by cougars?–Crazy how many of them were kids who were just playing outside their houses.

Caption: Reason #58 I should never have children: My love of learning and sharing knowledge about the world.

Hover text: If you’re lying in bed tonight and you see yellow eyes glinting in your window, are you being stalked by a puma, a mountain lion, a panther, a catamount, or a cougar? Trick question–in North America, they’re all names for the same species, Puma concolor! Isn’t learning fun? Anyway, sleep tight!

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.

A webcomic of romance,
sarcasm, math, and language.

 

Panel One: Drawing of two stick figures talking to each other. The one on the left has long, dark hair.

First person: Well, it’s 2012.

Second Panel: Same scene

Second person: Yup.–Only 354 days until everybody abruptly stops talking about Mayans.

Third Panel: Same scene

First person: Or thinking Mayans.–Or acknowledging that huge city-building ancient American civilizations existed at all.

Second person: You know whawt they say-those who fail to learn from history can still manage a 3.0 if they ace their other subjects.

Hover text: To compensate for this, I plan to spend 2013 doing nothing but talking about Mayans. My relationships with my friends and family may not fare well.

 

Warning: This comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Comic by xkcd.com. Described by BlindGadget under the Creative Commons license.